It was only last night that I finally realized the impact of "digging" into my husband's personal things.. from his wallet, cellphone, email and etc.. looking for clues, links... or anything that I may find that would validate my doubt on him... "CHEATING" (it sounds pathetic, yeah, but I actually did it). All through out our relationship of almost 11 years (this Dec 4 :-) ) .. from the courting stage to our married life... I have always said to him that.. "Trust is onething you will never earn from me".. and so all the time, I am always on the look out for signs of infidelity. I even have envisioned of how I will react, if God forbids, that I actually caught him cheating on me... not making so much scene to attract the attention of bystanders (no scandalous words!) but will definitely ensure that... "it will something both of them will regret for the rest of their lives"... "Lintik lang ang walang ganti!!!.. ika nga.
Until the "Big Boss" knocked me on the head... Grabe! "He" placed me in a situation para magising na ako sa katotohanan... He probably thought.. "Hmmm, its time this girl makes some change on her perspective towards her husband".. He placed me.. "On the line of Fire".. walastik.. iba'ng experience. Never ever in my wildest imagination na mangyayari sa akin yon... but it did! Pucha talaga.. the game "He" played on me ... nerve wrecking..
I stumbled into my ex work mate through my male officemate as well who was reading his blog. I got the inspiration from him (that's why I have created my own site).. posted a comment on his site.. chit chat here and there.. and so our friendship was renewed. We communicate once in a while through Skype... him always asking for tsismis.. updates on the happening in our work.. thoughts on family life... anything that comes to mind in the course of our conversation. Then one fine day.. the usual thing.. his opening message would be.. "Ano na? Ano na? ano'ng bago jan? Wala ba'ng tsismis? I would answer back at tuloy tuloy na ang kwentuhan... I could'nt really tell kung gano kami katagal minsan mag chikahan.. makulit kasi'ng kausap yung taong yon eh. I stayed late in the office that day.... and a message poped up in my screen. It was him asking "Di ka pa ba uuwi? Gabi na.. I answered back saying.. "Di pa eh.. dami deadline, wala ka ba'ng date?".. He replied to me and tuloy tuloy na ulit ang chika. There was point in our conversation na inaasar ko siya about certain things in the past.. yung asaran na kapag magkakasama kayo para lang may mapag kwentuhan.. buskahan baga! Then my celphone rang.... the person on the other line was him... he was saying.. "Lhys, lhys, what were the things you said? You were not talking to me.. it's my wife! Please help me.. we are fighting now because of your conversation with her.. please...".... "What" yun ang una ko'ng nasabi.. "What do you mean?".. He explained to me that his wife has access to his messenger account and she was playing me in our conversation to divulge informations about her husband!!! It did'nt sink in at first.. my mind was not able to cope up with the information... "BRAIN FREEZE".. at ng matauhan ko... ang nasabi ko na lang ay.. "SHOCKS!!! PUCHA!!! WALANGHIYA KA!!! Ano'ng gagawin ko? was my reaction to him. He added me in the conversation.. trying to clean up the mess I made. I don't know if I was able to help them but I hope they were able to patch things up and consider that the conversation with me has no bearing in their relationship now. .. I hope!
I told this story to my husband when I met with him later para umuwi na. He was laughing out loud..at inaasar niya ako! I asked for his opinion but he did'nt gave me a sensible one.. pailing iling lang at pangisi ngisi... At home.. I was still bothered of what happened.. worried for the couple that I may have stained their relationship. The experience led me to thinking as well... So this what happens when you go out looking for dirt.. you will stumble upon something.. one way or another.. and what's the result? Nothing!! Nothing good will ever came out of it!!! If dirt is what you are looking for.. then dirt is what you will find.. you will not see the more important things .. the beautiful things.. because you are blinded by your objective..."dig up dirt". I have finally woke up from the slumber of untrusting. I prayed that night... told HIM and my husband that... from this night forward.. "I will start praying and stop doubting".. My husband deserves the trust he has worked for.. for quite sometime now.. kaya I am now giving it to him... but not too much... uummm.. "Just enough for him to go by"... :-)